You’re in a relationship and love that other person very much, but the two of you can’t seem to stop arguing. And often the arguments are about the same subjects over and over. The reason for this is often that you don’t know “the #1 rule of healthy fighting”! The #1 rule of healthy fighting…
Opening to Love
Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do. ~ Brene Brown
You need more. The other people you know need more.
It’s not that you aren't a loving person, but there is hardly enough time and energy for the to-do list much less for spending time making sure love happens…
Your life may be filled with loneliness. Or you may feel critical of yourself and filled with a lack of confidence…
You may simply find it hard to open up to others about what really matters to you.
These are all issues of love.
Relationships are taking a beating in today’s culture. Online chat has taken the place of in depth conversation and time together. You know more people, but you are likely to know them less well. It takes time, variety and careful attention for the creation of true intimacy. You may be finding that hard to do these days.
And it’s all too easy to start believing that the things you do – or don’t do – are the determining factor on whether you are lovable. Busy is the new measure of worth. How much you are achieving, working hard and demonstrating success is not a very good substitution for love, but it’s a substitution that’s happening all the time.
Maybe if you are really busy, you won’t notice how love is missing…
Love really is the answer to many of our struggles.
One of my goals for all my clients is for them to feel more love. Love from me, of course, but also more love from other relationships in their lives. And more love for themselves.
As a human being, you likely value love, intimacy and social affiliation more than anything else. Even if that’s hard to admit. There is nothing more important in any of our lives than our ability to form bonds with others. The sense of reciprocal caring is so very important and it comes only from both connecting and really touching another person emotionally.
Here are the roots of positive, loving relationships:
How good are you at providing these things in your current relationships? Be sure to look for all these elements from the other person as you are growing new relationships!
I want you to feel more love in your life.
Starting right now.
So here are some ideas to get you started.
Get to know yourself better. Are you one of the many people who mostly focus on what everyone around you needs? That’s great, but it can lead to being disconnected from your own wants, needs and desires. Knowing these things about yourself is absolutely required in order to have an intimate relationship with someone else.
Open up and show others your true self. You must be authentic in your relationships or there is really no relationship. Unless you are authentic, you never feel truly loved. Your thought becomes, “They wouldn’t love me if they knew the real me.” You deserve to be loved for who you are – even with whatever flaws you have.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable. If you are closed down in order to never get hurt, you will also never feel loved. Love is worth the risk!
Identify the spirit in which love is being offered. In order to love successfully, you need to be able to read other people well. It’s only when you can accurately know another person’s intentions that you know whether to match their love offering or reject it.
Learn to be comfortable with conflict. Every intimate relationship must deal with disagreement in order to be healthy. You must have the ability to quickly reduce your own stress and bring your emotions into balance in order to be able to work together to resolve the inevitable disagreements.
Practice kindness. One of the barriers to ongoing loving relationships is treating your loved ones without respect and kindness. It is so easy to not take time in your closest relationships to do that. Instead, choose your words well and think about how to show kindness. Correct this and you will get more love flowing towards you.
Keep trying. The only way to have more love is to give more love. This requires you to take the risk of loving in some small way over and over. Stay in action and don’t give up. The returns will eventually come to you.
I think of these items as the skills of love. I wish they taught a class to every high school student about how to do these things! But if they are not familiar to you – know that you are not alone. I’ve helped more people than I can count how to have more love and I’d be glad to help you with your love skills too…
Let’s have a phone conversation to see where you are with love in your life and where you would like to be. I can help. Just click the button below to contact me about setting up a free phone consultation.
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