It may be a big stretch for you to equate fierceness and love although I believe the two are intertwined. I live in the mountains of North Carolina where bear occasionally roam through our backyard and so when I think about fierceness, one of the first images that comes to mind is that of a mother bear and her cubs.
It’s a pretty clear connection between love and fierceness when you think about maternal love in bears. The two feelings can also be connected in other relationships, in the hearts of entrepreneurs running a business, and even in the simple and profound acts of living life to the fullest.
Whenever love is related to taking a stand, doing hard work or meeting the inevitable ups and downs of change, then fierceness is around as well.
Fierceness is not all about Mama Bears, defensive aggression or fighting. It can be as simple as relentless determination in spite of obstacles ahead.
I have fierceness in vast amounts and this has often been commented upon in my life. My husband likes to credit it to my Scottish heritage and he labels it “stubborn”. That only tells a tiny piece of the real picture although he is right that my fierceness can certainly look stubborn.
Both stubbornness and fierceness reside in the spirit. Yet fierceness can be cultivated and adds richness to life and to love in a way that stubbornness never does.
Fierceness is a mindset, a stance and a way of being in the world. When you are fierce, you keep in mind, “This really matters to me and I am going to make it happen.” You say, “I’ll figure this out – I’ll do it…. find a way…. find someone to help me…. do what needs to be done….” Fierceness requires lots of positive self talk.
In the fierce state of mind you may get discouraged yet you don’t allow yourself to stay that way or let it interfere with what you love.
Can you hear the love in the self talk? Love is the motivating force behind fierceness.
Make sure you don’t confuse fierceness with aggression. Aggression is forcing your will onto others and in spite of our bear example, fierceness is not force. Fierceness does not allow you to bully your way around with aggression because aggression in the long run moves you away from success not towards it.
Aggression and love are incompatible.
You are fierce not aggressive when you are operating within your value system in a way that leads to reaching your goals without violating the rights of others.
You can train yourself to be fierce. You have the fierceness you need inside yourself, but your access to it may be limited.
You train yourself to be able to get beyond the barriers and reach the internal spot where your fierceness resides. I recently described this training process to a client as learning to get out of your own way. Your internal obstacles can be fear, self-doubt, procrastination or even lack of understanding.
One of the most powerful ways to work through your barriers to fierceness is to change the questions that you ask yourself. Move away from “Why” questions and questions that are narrow or keep you stuck.
Two of the most helpful questions for being expansive and fierce are:
“Why not?” and
Working through your internal barriers by yourself or with a trusted person can be the doorway to a fierce life of adventure far more rewarding than you can might imagine. Be expansive – be loving – be fierce!
Reach out to me if you would like to talk about my being your trusted person to bring our YOUR fierceness.